Effects of Broken Families to Children

Divorce is the hardest challenge that can happen to a couple especially if they have kids. It is painful for the husband and wife to finally end their marriage but they are two matured individuals who are strong enough to handle changes in their lives. The impact of this turn of events in a family’s life is more devastating on the children. Not only is that it painful for them on that moment to hear the news that their parents are getting a divorce. But the worst that can happen is the long term effect that can eventually ruin their future.

In most cases, usually one parent keeps custody of his/her children. But despite of that, the thought that they are no longer complete seem unacceptable. Here are some effects of a broken family on children:

1.                   A broken home can make a child insecure. Insecure in a sense that he no longer had a complete family he can call his own. For a child’s mind, a family is composed of a father, mother and children. And living without either his father or mother will create fear and insecurities in him. This feeling of insecurities will even trigger if he is around his friends who are living a normal, complete and happy life. This is especially true in school events where the parents’ presence are required. There are plenty of school activities that involves the parents and seeing scenes like these will even make him feel ashamed of his family situation.

2.                   The insecurities, self-doubt and lack of confidence in a child can eventually make him uninterested in school. More often, those who are out of school are products of a broken home.

3.                   Sometimes a child’s reaction on his parents’ announcement of a divorce is not visible. He keeps to himself the pain, shock and anger he feels. This in turn makes him vulnerable to anger, depression, revenge, alcohol, crimes, drugs and so on. He makes these as his outlets. Too much depression, alcohol addiction and drug dependency, if left untreated, can make him mentally ill or can turn him into a criminal. He may even attempt to kill himself if he can no longer handle all the misfortunes which he thinks is killing him softly.

4.                   Although, let’s say, one parent is still guiding his child, sometimes the traumatic effect of a divorce is just too much for a child to handle that he may even lost interest in life itself.

Why is Forgiving So Difficult

Being able to forgive keeps both your marriage and yourself healthy. Yet for many people, admitting to making mistakes and forgiving others is difficult.

One reason you may have difficulty forgiving is your pride or because you are still too angry. Or you don't want to be seen as weak. Perhaps you want your spouse to suffer. Additionally, forgiveness can be hard if you think that your mate is not having to pay any consequences for the hurtful behavior.

"Accepting that what happened to you really did happen is the first step. But it is the hardest step of all."

Source: Kathleen Griffin. The Forgiveness Formula: How to Let Go of Your Pain and Move On with Life. 2004. pg. 5.

Forgiveness doesn't mean you have to forget what your spouse did that hurt you. It doesn't mean that you have to trust your spouse or reconcile. Forgiveness doesn't mean that your partner won't have some consequences to pay for the pain caused. Forgiveness doesn't let others off the hook. Forgiveness is not a sign of weakness.

Trixie Buckel: "Forgiving is the most difficult thing you ever have to do ... make sure you do it. Forgiving is like putting the cat out at night. Make sure you do it or you will be sorry in the morning. If you can't forgive, it eats away your guts. You can literally get an ulcer. Anger is one of the most useless emotions."

Source: Anne Naylor. "Trixie's 15 Tips For Living to 92." Huffingtonpost.com. 12/12/2009.

Understanding Pre-Marital Sex

Premarital sex (also called non-marital sex, youthful sex, adolescent sex, and young-adult sex) is sexual activity, including vaginal intercourse, oral sex, and anal sex, practiced by persons who are unmarried. Although it has always been practiced, in the West it has increased in prevalence since the mid-1950s. Historically considered taboo by many cultures and considered a sin by numerous religions, it has become more commonly accepted in the last few decades.

Until the 1950s,[1] the term "premarital sex" referred to sexual relations between two people prior to marrying each other.[2] During that period, Western societies expected that men and women marry by the age of 21 or 22; as such, there were no considerations that one who had sex would not marry. The term was used instead of fornication, due to the negative connotations of the latter.[1]

The meaning has since shifted, referring to all sexual relations a person has prior to marriage; this removes emphasis on who the relations are with.[2] The definition has a degree of ambiguity. It is not clear whether sex between individuals legally forbidden from marrying, or the sexual relations of one uninterested in marrying could be considered premarital.[1]

Alternative terms for premarital sex have been suggested, including non-marital sex (which overlaps with adultery), youthful sex, adolescent sex, and young-adult sex. These terms also suffer from a degree of ambiguity, as the definition of having sex differs from person to person.[1]

Forms

Vaginal intercourse

Vaginal intercourse is the penetration of a woman's vagina by a man's penis. Although its biological purpose is reproduction, it is often performed entirely for pleasure and/or as an expression of love and emotional intimacy.[3]

Oral sex

Oral sex is the use of the mouth to sexually stimulate a partner's genitals in an attempt to bring him or her to orgasm.[3] In Western societies, premarital oral sex has become more frequent as it becomes less taboo. Historically, a couple would practice oral sex only after practicing vaginal intercourse. Oral sex is now often practiced prior to intercourse. Explanations for this trend include the reduction of the risk of sexually transmitted diseases and the retention of virginity without sacrificing sexual satisfaction.[1]

Anal sex

Anal sex is the insertion of a male's penis into the anus of his partner.[3] This can occur in either homosexual or heterosexual partnerships.[4]

Prevalence

In some cultures, for example in many modern-day Western cultures, sexual abstinence before marriage is not valued. In some cultures, sexual abstinence is discouraged.

Historically, at least a significant portion of people have engaged in premarital sex, although the number willing to admit to having done so was not always high. In a study conducted in the United States, 61 percent of men and 12 percent of women born prior to 1910 admitted to having premarital sex; the gender disparity may have been caused by cultural double standards regarding the admission of sexual activity or by men frequenting prostitutes.[1]

Starting in the 1920s, and especially after World War II, premarital sex became more common; this was especially prevalent among women. By the end of the 20th century, between 75 and 80 percent of Americans had vaginal intercourse before the age of 19. This has been attributed to numerous causes, including the increasing median age at marriage and the widespread availability of efficient contraceptives.[1]

According to a 2001 UNICEF survey, in 10 out of 12 developed nations with available data, more than two thirds of young people have had sexual intercourse while still in their teens. In Denmark, Finland, Germany, Iceland, Norway, the United Kingdom and the United States, the proportion is over 80%. In Australia, the United Kingdom and the United States, approximately 25% of 15 year olds and 50% of 17 year olds have had sex.[5] In a 2005 Kaiser Family Foundation study of US teenagers, 29% of teens reported feeling pressure to have sex, 33% of sexually active teens reported "being in a relationship where they felt things were moving too fast sexually", and 24% had "done something sexual they didn’t really want to do".[6] Several polls have indicated peer pressure as a factor in encouraging both girls and boys to have sex.[7][8] The increased sexual activity among adolescents is manifested in increased teenage pregnancies and an increase in sexually transmitted diseases. The rates of teenage pregnancy vary and range from 143 per 1000 girls in some sub-Saharan African countries to 2.9 per 1000 in South Korea. The rate for the United States is 52.1 per 1000, the highest in the developed world – and about four times the European Union average.[9][5] The teenage pregnancy rates between countries must take into account the level of general sex education available and access to contraceptive options.

Cultural views

The cultural acceptability of premarital sex varies between cultures and time periods. Western cultures have traditionally been disapproving of it, on occasions forbidding it. In other cultures, such as the Muria people of Madhya Pradesh, sexuality prior to marriage is accepted and at times expected.[1]

Individual views within a given society can vary greatly, with expectations ranging from total abstinence to frequent casual sex. These views are dependent on the holders value system, as formed by his or her parents, religion, friends, and the media.[1]

United States

Prior to the middle of the 20th century, sexuality was generally restricted. Sexual interactions between people without plans to marry was considered unacceptable, with betrothal slightly lessening the stigma. However, premarital sex was still frowned upon.[1]

Beginning in the 1950s, as premarital sex became more common, the stigma attached to it diminished. Love began to be seen as enough of a reason for sex, instead of marriage or engagement. By 2000, roughly a third of couples in the United States had lived together prior to marriage. Premarital sex has become, if not acceptable, tolerable.[1]

Risks

Physically, premarital sex poses the same risks as post-marital sex. It can be a disease vector, transmitting chlamydia, gonorrhea, genital herpes, HIV and other such diseases.[10] There is also a risk of an unplanned pregnancy in heterosexual relationships.[11] As such, it is recommended that practitioners of premarital sex use a condom.[12]

Practitioners of premarital sex in a society where its acceptance is based on love may experience disappointment or regret if they have intercourse in a loveless relationship.[1]

See also

Sexuality portal

Trial marriage

Shotgun wedding

Fornication

Free Love

Religion and sexuality

[edit]References

Footnotes

^ a b c d e f g h i j k l Sex and Society 663-666.

^ a b Regnerus, Uecker & 2011 Introduction.

^ a b c Discovery Health, Sexual Intercourse.

^ Dean and Delvin, Anal sex.

^ a b UNICEF. (2001). A League Table of Teenage Births in Rich NationsPDF (888 KB). Retrieved July 7, 2006.

^ U.S.Teen Sexual ActivityPDF (147 KB) Kaiser Family Foundation, January 2005. Retrieved 23 Jan 2007

^ The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. (1997). What the Polling Data Tell Us: A Summary of Past Surveys on Teen Pregnancy. Retrieved July 13, 2006.

^ Allen, Colin. (May 22, 2003). "Peer Pressure and Teen Sex." Psychology Today.'.' Retrieved July 14, 2006.

^ Treffers PE (November 2003). "[Teenage pregnancy, a worldwide problem]" (in Dutch; Flemish). Ned Tijdschr Geneeskd 147 (47): 2320–5. PMID 14669537.

^ Center for Disease Control.

^ Speidel, Harper, and Shields; 2008.

^ Planned Parenthood.